Online dating is changing the world of relationships and dating. The good news is that if you are all about casual fun, the opportunities are greater than ever to find someone who shares your interest. The bad news is that if you are looking for an exclusive, committed relationship you will have to work a bit harder to find it.
Online dating is changing the world of relationships and dating. The good news is that if you are all about casual fun, the opportunities are greater than ever to find someone who shares your interest. The bad news is that if you are looking for an exclusive, committed relationship you will have to work a bit harder to find it.
The online dating world is essentially like a buffet at a restaurant. People go up to the buffet and they sample a variety of dishes, they go back a few times more, trying different things, maybe having seconds of a dish they particularly liked, but never just picking one dish only and sticking with that. It’s the same with online dating. Everyone wants to meet different people so why just commit to one person when someone more attractive, more fun, more accomplished, more whatever, may come along tomorrow
Just like at the buffet table some of the dishes are spicy, some are sweet, some are bland and some are just plain disgusting. The dishes come in all shapes, colours and sizes. The variety is endless.
The buffet of potential dates has created a situation where everyone is afraid to settle on one person. In our instant gratification world, every one wants a fun, light, easy, “good vibes only” relationship. If someone puts expectations on another or voices dissatisfaction with something in the relationship, they are instantly disposable, and easily replaceable at the online buffet. It’s easy to dispose of someone you never really took the time to get to know. But isn’t it worth getting to really know someone?
I can’t help but feel that as a society we are losing out bigtime when everyone treats others as if they are disposable and no one takes the time to develop a deeper meaningful connection, a connection that makes you want to be committed to just one person and to work out differences. It is impossible to have a deep connection with someone that you have only met a few times. Deep connections are necessary for fulfillment and leading a happy life. If we are creating a society where people aren’t making these types of connections anymore, it is no wonder that depression, anxiety and addiction are prevalent problems. At the root of these conditions is often a feeling of being disconnected and alone.
The buffet problem has become so prevalent that even people like myself, who are looking for an exclusive relationship, find the pull of a return visit to the buffet table hard to resist. Tomorrow’s chocolate mousse might be better than today’s cr?me brulee. The vast array of choices makes it difficult for almost everyone to settle on one person without feeling like they are actually just “settling”.
This poses the question: what do we do? How do we develop deeper, meaningful connections with a partner without feeling like we settled? This is where we need to work on ourselves. We need to value deeper connections with those in our life, and let go of the thrill or excitement of meeting someone new, and the constant quest for something better. We need to feel content from within so that we aren’t seeking validation externally. We need to stop with the “grass is always greener” mentality, and feel content with what we have.
Through working with my own coach, I have developed a great toolbox for learning self-validation and self-love so that external validation becomes less necessary. If you are interested in learning more, please email me at leanne@leannetownsend.ca for details.
